ok so this is who i ACTUALLY am

never too old to learn something

Hey everyone! Guess who’s back on the last day of May? I don’t know what exactly I promised or predicted last time on I’m Bad At Names, but uhh, things did not turn out exactly as I expected them to be. I’ll get more into that a little later.

A few announcements:

Stickers: The stickers are officially mailed out! Thank you to everyone who ordered some! I am now putting my faith in the United States Postal Service that they arrive to everyone safely. It’s been quite a little process into mailing out orders for the first time. I think of the artists who post vlogs of themselves packing dozens and dozens and dozen of orders for people and thinking that was so cool. Maybe that…could be me?

Look! I finally got to take one of those “mail order photos”!

Well, let me tell you, doing all the marketing, logistics and ordering supplies and the stickers themselves by yourself? Yeah, it’s not as fun and cute as the vlogs make it seem, it’s a lot of work. And if you’re a two-brain-cell-being like myself, it’s even more work.

The actual stickers themselves! This was pretty fun to do tbh.

And the works not over! Because I still have left over stickers as well as a whole batch of glossy sticker sheets (which I ordered on accident), that I’m planning to throw up on my Ko-Fi. That will probably happen later this summer because I have some exciting things happening in my personal life that I may or may not talk about here in the future.

I will say, however, that it is quite exciting and rewarding to able to make something that you can physical hold and then be able to share that with people around the world. It gave me a sense of relief and accomplishment when I finally put those envelopes in the mail drop box (I even double checked to make sure I put stamps on them all, haha). So, maybe after the stickers are all gone I’ll do something else…

Everything else: Yeah, so, a lot of things are changing for me and I’m just trying to take things one day at a time right now. Any projects I have/had cooking up are officially on the back burner for now. When I’m ready to come out with new stuff you’ll hear it here first!

A tangent…

That being said, I am doing a big project with my dad right now. It’s been kind of a lot (I’m kind of a spontaneous planner), so I was relaying this to my dad expecting him to help me out with excuting my plans the way I want them to go. He says, “Well, how about we do this instead?”

Inside my head I’m thinking, “But that’s not what I want to do. This isn’t how I imagined things going.” Here is probably where you’re thinking, why didn’t you try advocating for yourself and telling him how you feel. And, when it comes to my parents, it’s tough sometimes. I’m trying to do things as cost efficient as possible, even if it is more daring (and exciting). But my dad, intially just saying he’ll help me without me even asking, is more about convenience over cost and with the added issue of his age, it makes more sense to pay more for an easier process. I didn’t (and I kind of think my dad didn’t either) even really consider the age factor until he brought this up. It finally dawned on me that my parents are not who they were when they were helping me move into college almost a decade ago.

Very quickly I’m realizing that I’m going to have to change my plans, but since I’m stubborn I ranted to asked some friends for their opinion. And, as I sadly expected, they agreed that my father’s plan, though more expensive, would be the better choice in the long run. And I agree! I didn’t want to initially, but I had to accept that, and it made no sense trying to be stubborn about it (also I’m way too old to be stubborn and throwing a fit).

Not that way, but that way! (Photo by Brendan Church on Unsplash

But I also don’t want to completely disregard my feelings. I wanted the thing I had envisioned. I had built up this grandiose idea in my head of how things were going to go, looked up other peoples experiences and thought, “I want something like that. That seems exciting.” It feels as if your sense of control is being taken away when you have to change your plans for whatever reason. Especially when it’s caused by someone else. I don’t blame my dad and I’m super grateful that he’s willing to help me with this, and that he’s even still alive. But I can’t deny that there’s a part of me saying, “Wait a minute, I thought this was my thing?”

It’s been a while since, where on the way to something I’m truly excited about, the plans get changed. I’ve experienced disappointment and frustration plenty of times in life, and I made it through them just fine in the end. However, I noticed it’s kind of different when you’re in your late twenties. Throwing a tantrum and getting into an argument just isn’t worth the physical and psychic energy that it used to be. I had my day to be upset, and now I have to keep moving forward, I can’t afford to slow down the process just because something isn’t going the way I planned. I guess I consider this practice for the things I want to do in the future. I have to get reacquainted with this feeling, and quickly.

Adventure can wait, I suppose. Sometimes getting from point A to point B as quick as possible is what matters more. I’m sure this is obvious to most people, but sometimes you just gotta write your feelings out in a public substack post and try to pass it off as a teachable moment, haha.

Anyways…

Sorry there wasn’t much talk about art at all in this post. I’m not really in the mood to talk about career/industry stuff and I just…haven’t been feeling like making personal art lately. I think doing the stickers took all my creative energy out of me (or something). I’ve been doing a lot of reading, hanging out with friends, watching videos, and immersing in Japanese. I don’t have much of an interest in drawing outside of occasionally doodling in Procreate or Clip Studio Paint at the moment. Call it what you will, I’m tapped out.

I wish I was this cat. (Photo by Ludemeula Fernandes on Unsplash)

I do enjoy writing however, and I used to do a bit of blogging back in my Tumblr days, so this kind of writing feels much more natural to me. When I made my first post I was doing all this research on how to make a newsletter, how to format it, what to put in it , etc. I’m a born perfectionist, so, naturally, I got in my head about making the first post as nice as possible so people will take me seriously. Unfortunately, it’s very hard for me to keep that kind of polish up. I mainly like to just vibe but I’ve been instilled with the idea that “looks mean everything”, much as I try to fight it. That’s a totally different topic for a different day.

No more, I say. That first post was me wearing my nice clothes and makeup on the first week of work. This post is week 2 onward where I just come to work as I truly am (maybe I’ll fill in my eyebrows and use some blush, but I will be wearing leggings probably). Less stress, more vibes.

Before I go…here are some interesting things I’ve seen between the last post and now…

This screentone guide by DeviantArt user HeyTayHolt. It’s in 4-parts and it’s goes pretty in depth into what is a screentone and how they are used. If you’re thinking about using screentones in your own artwork, I definitely recommend checking it out!

The first trailer for Dungeon Meshi is out!! The animation quality looks amazing and super charming. I need to catch up on the manga but it’s super exciting to finally have an anime I’m looking forward to watching. If you’re looking for a fun and wholesome DnD-ish story with a focus on cooking, please go check this one out!

My friend, Charis, has recently started her own art vlogging channel on Youtube! She has a very cute, colorful, and calming vibe to her videos and artwork. Definitely go check her out! You can find her on Instagram and Twitter!

Okay, that’s all I have this time! Catch you in the next one!

Take care,

peroroh/kellye